Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

by Laura Kronen on March 30, 2012

say what you mean and mean what you say

Two cliche phrases, but believe in them and follow them and you will create inner peace.

Say What You Mean:

Have you found yourself making up excuses to avoid dealing with what might be an uncomfortable situation?

For example, your friend asks you to some social event. You don’t really want to go, but make up an excuse that “one of your kids are sick” just so you can avoid the event or spending time with your friend for some reason. Or, someone asks you for a favor that you do not wish to help out with, but you feel guilty for rejecting her, so you either avoid that person’s emails or phone calls, or create an excuse that isn’t really true.

It is not that you cannot do something, as your excuse suggests. The truth is that you have chosen not to do something, but the act of creating an excuse or avoiding it initiates a twist in your inner space, and it takes energy to maintain. Instead of stillness and peace, you are now holding onto and thinking about this little lingering white lie.

When you are about to say anything, make a conscious decision to say the absolute truth, or what you actually mean. The absolute truth doesn’t have to be harsh or hurtful, you can do so compassionately and authentically, but firmly. When you own what you say, no one can reject it, even if they don’t like what they hear; because you are telling the truth and you mean it. And then, you never have to worry about being caught in a lie.

Mean What You Say:

Sometimes we say things in passing out of obligation or habit that we don’t mean or intend on following through with. For example, we say, “I love you” to our parents or significant other when we hang up the phone, not because we mean it, but out of habit. The words comes so automatically now, that they start to lose their true meaning.

In another example, we will say, I’ll call you soon, I’ll text you, or Let’s do lunch.  Or, we offer to help, as parting words to a friend, and don’t intend on keeping that statement, but say it because it was easy and made the other person feel good.

We may think that these casual comments are harmless, but we know deep down that they are not true. They become little lies that we internalize, and over time they will develop into a guilty conscience that distracts you away from the present.

Make a conscious commitment to yourself to mean everything that you say, and not to make empty promises that you cannot, or do not intend to fulfill.  Now see how life changes for you.

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